Pain and Hunger...

I am not sure which is harder to witness as a mother - seeing your child in pain or denying a hungry baby nourishment.   They are both torture.

There is no question, this has been one of the longest days of our lives - maybe even the longest.  I would gladly give birth without drugs 100 times over again if it meant never having to see my children go through something like this.

Without going into all of the nitty gritty details, things took a downward turn once Max got into the recovery room.  What should have been a short visit before admitting him onto "the floor" ended up being a 4.5 hour stay and a trip to "the unit" where we are now and will be spending the night.  Despite the wonder efforts of our postop nurse (who did not leave Max's bedside), the pain management team and the anesthesiologist, they could not get him comfortable.  His obvious discomfort combined with some breath holding and decreased oxygen saturation sealed the deal - ICU bound we were.  Lots of morphine and a little valium later, Max is getting some rest.

Dad and Karen came to visit a little while ago, bringing pizza from Santarpios and cannolis from Maria's.  It was a nice treat after a long day of standing by Max's bed, holding his oxygen tube.

Kris and I are staying the night and hope to take turns resting a bit.

Max is not allowed water, breastmilk or food of any kind until the morning.  It has been especially hard since he is breastfed and associates me with food (and nursing with comfort).  I can only imagine what 24 plus hours without nursing is like for a 7 month old.

Good night.